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This area contains a mixture of posts about feelings and musings.

Recovery discoveries
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Recovery discoveries

Janet2021-01-12T12:36:28+00:00January 12th, 2021|Personal|

Recovery discoveries As we start another weird year, I've been taking stock of some of the discoveries that I've made on my long journey of healing and recovery. Here are some of them, including taming flashbacks; finding PTG; mind, brain and body links; EMDR; learning how to accept my mum's failings and still hold her good mum

Re-assembling myselves
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Re-assembling myselves

Janet2021-01-06T15:45:04+00:00December 17th, 2020|Personal|

Re-assembling myselves I was so traumatised during the abuse that happened to me during my childhood that I had to separate out different parts of myself. It was just too much to grasp, too much to experience at the time and so I would retreat into, sometimes out of, myself. These selves, parts, littles, inner

Reporting to the police
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Reporting to the police

Janet2021-01-07T13:57:59+00:00April 27th, 2020|Personal|

Why report? The conviction rate for rape is dismally low (Guardian article September 2019). The conviction rate for historical child sexual abuse (BBC News article 2016) is even lower. So why did I report to the police three times? Not really with any hope of convictions, I have to say. Although it would have

The weight of waiting
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The weight of waiting

Janet2021-01-07T14:00:37+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

The weight of waiting My father started abusing me when I was a very small child. Touching me, making me touch him. Putting his fingers in me. Putting his willy in my mouth. Raping me. I don’t really remember a time when I was safe. I do remember waiting. Waiting for the next time. Waiting

Re-setting the smoke detector
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Re-setting the smoke detector

Janet2021-01-07T14:06:22+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

Re-setting the smoke detector The human brain’s primary function is to keep us alive. It does a very good job too; largely undetected, it makes sure that we keep breathing, that our temperature remains normal, that our hormones are well-regulated etc. It also uses our senses to constantly scan the environment to check for danger. This

I have no words
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I have no words

Janet2021-01-07T14:07:20+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

I have no words There have been many times when I have experienced that awful feeling of simply not being able to speak. It’s not that I don’t want to verbalise my thoughts, sensations or feelings, I simply do not have any words. Sometimes I’ve been sitting in a therapy room, sometimes I’ve been on

Being ill
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Being ill

Janet2021-01-07T14:09:40+00:00March 15th, 2020|Personal|

Being ill - March 2020 I’ve been ill for the past two and a bit weeks. I have what the pharmacist called, “A viral”. I think that’s a technical term for a head cold. Anyway, I’ve had a lot of the unpleasant symptoms of a cold, notably exhaustion, coughing that wakes me up in the

Why me?
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Why me?

Janet2020-05-08T10:06:42+00:00March 12th, 2020|Personal|

Why me? - March 2020 Survivors of sexual abuse try to make sense of why abuse has happened to them. It is very common for a survivor to conclude that they are responsible for the abuse. I too decided early in my childhood that I must have been bad, that there was something wrong with

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Episode 10: Choosing to be apart
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Episode 10: Choosing to be apart

Janet2021-01-07T13:47:20+00:00November 18th, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 10 In conversation with Nicole Nicole was sexually abused by her grandfather when she was a child. She reported to the police fairly recently and got a conviction, her grandfather then being

Episode 9: From struggle to recovery
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Episode 9: From struggle to recovery

Janet2021-01-07T13:48:45+00:00November 13th, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 9 In conversation with Greg Greg is a male survivor of child sexual abuse, both familial and by a stranger. Greg talks candidly and movingly about his long struggles with depression and

Episode 8: Challenging the silence
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Episode 8: Challenging the silence

Janet2021-01-07T13:49:51+00:00July 21st, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 8 In conversation with Alex Feis-Bryce from SurvivorsUK Alex is the CEO of SurvivorsUk, which supports men and non-binary people who have experienced sexual violence as an adult or a child. Alex

Episode 7: Keeping children safe
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Episode 7: Keeping children safe

Janet2021-01-07T13:51:02+00:00June 5th, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 7 In conversation with Emma and Patrinda from Safeline Emma and Patrinda both work at Safeline in the Education and Prevention Services. Emma outlines some of the projects that she works on

Episode 6: Art therapy
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Episode 6: Art therapy

Janet2021-01-07T13:52:42+00:00May 14th, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 6 in conversation with Jenny Chapman from Safeline Jenny Chapman is an art therapist, who works at Safeline with people who have experienced sexual abuse. Jenny describes how art therapy and its

Episode 5: The role of an ISVA
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Episode 5: The role of an ISVA

Janet2021-01-07T13:53:45+00:00May 12th, 2020|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 5 in conversation with Beth Candler from Safeline Beth is a person-centred therapist at Safeline. Her main work is as an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor, or ISVA. Beth describes her role as