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This area contains a mixture of posts about feelings and musings.

#ItsNotOK
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#ItsNotOK

Janet2021-02-04T15:21:24+00:00February 2nd, 2021|Personal|

#ITSNOTOK and #ItStillMatters. It's not Ok that people are sexually abused, as a child, as an adult, by another child, by an adult. Whenever you were abused, it still matters. You matter. Help is out there. In collaboration with Safeline and with the Ministry of Justice (MoJ) I did an interview with a journalist from The Sun

Recovery discoveries
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Recovery discoveries

Janet2021-02-05T10:26:09+00:00January 12th, 2021|Personal|

Recovery discoveries As we start another weird year, I've been taking stock of some of the discoveries that I've made on my long journey of healing and recovery. Here are some of them, including taming flashbacks; finding PTG; mind, brain and body links; EMDR; learning how to accept my mum's failings and still hold her good mum

Re-assembling myselves
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Re-assembling myselves

Janet2021-02-05T10:26:55+00:00December 17th, 2020|Personal|

Re-assembling myselves I was so traumatised during the abuse that happened to me during my childhood that I had to separate out different parts of myself. It was just too much to grasp, too much to experience at the time and so I would retreat into, sometimes out of, myself. These selves, parts, littles, inner

Reporting to the police
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Reporting to the police

Janet2021-02-05T10:34:02+00:00April 27th, 2020|Personal|

Why report? The conviction rate for rape is dismally low (Guardian article September 2019). The conviction rate for historical child sexual abuse (BBC News article 2016) is even lower. So why did I report to the police three times? Not really with any hope of convictions, I have to say. Although it would have

The weight of waiting
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The weight of waiting

Janet2021-02-05T10:37:48+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

The weight of waiting My father started abusing me when I was a very small child. Touching me, making me touch him. Putting his fingers in me. Putting his willy in my mouth. Raping me. I don’t really remember a time when I was safe. I do remember waiting. Waiting for the next time. Waiting

Re-setting the smoke detector
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Re-setting the smoke detector

Janet2021-02-05T10:40:13+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

Re-setting the smoke detector The human brain’s primary function is to keep us alive. It does a very good job too; largely undetected, it makes sure that we keep breathing, that our temperature remains normal, that our hormones are well-regulated etc. It also uses our senses to constantly scan the environment to check for danger. This

I have no words
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I have no words

Janet2021-02-05T10:40:58+00:00April 1st, 2020|Personal|

I have no words There have been many times when I have experienced that awful feeling of simply not being able to speak. It’s not that I don’t want to verbalise my thoughts, sensations or feelings, I simply do not have any words. Sometimes I’ve been sitting in a therapy room, sometimes I’ve been on

Being ill
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Being ill

Janet2021-02-05T10:42:41+00:00March 15th, 2020|Personal|

Being ill - March 2020 I’ve been ill for the past two and a bit weeks. I have what the pharmacist called, “A viral”. I think that’s a technical term for a head cold. Anyway, I’ve had a lot of the unpleasant symptoms of a cold, notably exhaustion, coughing that wakes me up in the

Why me?
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Why me?

Janet2021-02-05T10:44:42+00:00March 12th, 2020|Personal|

Why me? - March 2020 Survivors of sexual abuse try to make sense of why abuse has happened to them. It is very common for a survivor to conclude that they are responsible for the abuse. I too decided early in my childhood that I must have been bad, that there was something wrong with

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Episode 17: Q and A Part 3
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Episode 17: Q and A Part 3

Janet2021-05-11T13:07:23+00:00May 11th, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 17 Therapy Q and A Part Three A survivor of csa answers questions from Safeline counsellors: the effect of telling your story on your audience; therapy online; using dance, music, Feldenkrais I

Episode 16: Q and A Part 2
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Episode 16: Q and A Part 2

Janet2021-05-10T14:40:35+00:00May 10th, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 16 Therapy Q and A Part Two A survivor of child sexual abuse does a Question and Answer session as a part of a training weekend for Safeline counsellors and staff. I

Episode 14: My Story, spoken
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Episode 14: My Story, spoken

Janet2021-05-11T13:17:50+00:00May 6th, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 14 A spoken, shortened version of My Story A survivor of child sexual abuse, or csa, shares some of her story of abuse and its impacts, also therapy, reporting to the police

Episode 15: Therapy Q and A
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Episode 15: Therapy Q and A

Janet2021-05-06T14:40:53+00:00May 6th, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 15 Therapy Q and A Part One A survivor of child sexual abuse does a Question and Answer session as a part of a training weekend for Safeline counsellors and staff. I

Episode 13: The Flying Child
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Episode 13: The Flying Child

Janet2021-04-24T07:29:25+00:00April 22nd, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 13 The Flying Child Survivors of child sexual abuse talk about breaking the silence and recovering from the shame and stigma of csa through therapy and speaking out. Janet met Sophie through

Episode 12: Learning to love myself
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Episode 12: Learning to love myself

Janet2021-03-31T15:25:29+00:00March 13th, 2021|Podcast|

Podcast summary Episode 12 Learning to love myself Janet met Jess through the charity, Angles, when Jess wanted to meet people with lived experience of sexual abuse for a podcast she was producing. The podcast