Guest Blogs written by people with lived experience of csa

This page is for guest blogs written by other survivors of sexual abuse, their supporters and therapists. If you would like yours included, please let me know by using the form on the “Contact us” page.

Guest blog by Stella Rain, a visitor to my website:

“Hello, I’m Stella Rain.

I was abused from early childhood to adulthood, this is an excerpt from my forthcoming book “Heart 2 Heart”

Do you ever forget where you are? I looked up, my eyes were puffy and circles darkened from crying.

Left alone with my father filled him with rage. He would clench his fist and jaw if he decided that something was insignificant “nobody wants an embarrassment, that style doesn’t suit or hair colour.” He would remind me that I wasn’t to question him “haven’t you killed yourself yet?” not wanting me to go on living, I was to live up to his demands and do as I was told hastening his threat.
Like a grenade he burst with a hammer forced me into a dark closet afraid “was my existence to much?” I sat listening for his footsteps, if they were loud and banging they weren’t for me, it’s the soft quiet ones I fear. Then I know that he’s coming.. Childhood should be a time of innocence and when that’s stripped away forcedly the blame lays with the abuser, not the abused.
Trapped, I kept the past to myself and the abuse hidden, never voicing any concerns. I didn’t know what was happening to me and it’s difficult to stop someone bigger than yourself with hands round your throat “had I cried my last tears?”
He was strong and built like a transformer, a term few would understand what horrors I suffered was out of my control “I’m not the first to suffer abuse from a family member and I won’t be the last.”
Over an extended period of years he struck me even when I toed the line other events happened forcing me to face the peril of reality.
Behind every type of abuse is a misuse of power and imbalance.

Abuse happens in many different ways.”

Next guest blog

Sibling Sexual Abuse
Submitted to Recovery from Child Sexual Abuse

June 27, 2022
Michelle M. Kang

My experience of sibling sexual abuse at the beginning of my life became the major cause of my problems in communication and relationships for decades until I realized that my pain and trouble could be a foundation of helping other victims of sexual abuse.

I was born in a small town on the west coast of South Korea. I grew up with a big family, which consisted of my grandmother, my parents, my four brothers, my one sister, and me. I was the fifth child born to my parents. My eldest brother and I were 12 years apart in age. He was not around when I was 4 or 5. Moving to a big city, he was going to secondary school.
Between the kindergarten year and the second-grade year in primary school, I suffered sexual abuse from my biological eldest brother. He would be home during the weekend or on vacation staying with family. One day, he urged me to come to the attic with him. I asked him “Why?” He said, “Just do it.” There, he asked me to take off my underware, and so again I asked, “Why?” Then again, he said, “Just do it” with a comforting smile on his face. He again asked me to lie on the floor. Then, he checked all of my body, and that was the beginning of him perpetrating sexual abuse.
I was too young to be physically involved with him, but he actually tried to have sexual intercourse with me although he was never successful. I would beg him to stop what he was doing because it was physically and emotionally hurting me. After the shameful things he dared to do, my eldest brother did not forget to gently remind me not to tell anybody about what he did to me. And I did not. He knew what to do to molest me even when my parents and my other siblings were around or not occupied with their own jobs.
Everything got me to feel confused, making me gradually depressed, retreating into my own world. Above all, I was not courageous enough to share my disgusting experience with anybody. My eldest brother’s gentle threat made me scared. I was worried about being blamed by my mom if I told her about his molestation. I was also struggling to protect him from being blamed if my mom trusted me. He abused me for about 2 years until he got married and got busy with his business in Seoul.
My relationships with my eldest brother made me choose to stay deep within my own world. I thought that if nobody in the world but me knew what happened, the world would never know of it, and someday I would also no longer remember anything about it. This made me never want to make my voice heard in any public situation. I was also pessimistic about seeking any consultation around me to get out of the trap. My most despairing experience of sexual abuse by my own eldest brother made me vulnerable for so long in relationships with others. I could not trust anybody, and I was always so nervous and uncomfortable having people around me. I became extremely reserved and offensive or defensive with outbursts of anger.
After junior high, I started a new life in Seoul and attended a private girls’ high school located in the outskirts of the city. My high school period marked one of the darkest periods in my life. I had to reunite with my eldest brother then because, not knowing what he did to me long ago, my father made me move in with my eldest brother. He then was married and had a wife and two daughters. Fortunately, my eldest brother behaved himself and did not act inappropriately towards me. However, I was extremly uncomfortable and angry with him, and so staying in the same house with him was a torture and a severe punishment. I had to see him around for the entire period of my high school years.
Decades after I have been through problems mentally and psychologically, I came to realize one day, during my prayers, that I could use myself to help those who were suffering from child sexual abuse. I formed a non-profit, One Life One Heart International, in Ames, Iowa USA, in 2014 to help sexual abuse survivors with their journey to healing and empowerment. Suffering is unavoidable for survivors, while I am telling them that they do not need to suffer too long like myself. They are beautiful and wonderful as they are. Their worth should not be destroyed, damaged, or diminished because of the abuse they suffered. Their life belongs to them and their worth remains the same regardless of their experiences.

Michelle sent me another blog following our podcasts, Michelle and Cultures and Michelle and OLOH

Child Sexual Abuse Seen Through the Cultural Lens

Oct. 26, 2022
Michelle M. Kang

As a survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA), I have lived in three different countries thus far, South Korea, the United States, and Vietnam. My education and career path led me to a little journey through which I could learn how people might respond differently to child sexual abuse (CSA). Although my experiences might be limited to the environmental boundaries around my career, I could explore diverse conversations with others and learn from my experiences of the differences and similarities among countries and cultures. I found that people respond to CSA differently depending on their cultures: high-context cultures and low-context cultures. In high-context cultures, such as South Korea and Vietnam, interpretation rests heavily on context clues, and communication can be indirect, ambiguous, and understated. In low-context cultures, such as the U.S., the emphasis is placed on the written/spoken word, and communication can be direct and specific.

The similarities might be that people are unwilling to unfold their traumatic experience of CSA in public. The differences are the level of public awareness about child sexual abuse, how it occurs, and what ordinary citizens can do to prevent or stop it.

I was in South Korea from birth until 2005. Based on my understanding, I felt public awareness of child sexual abuse was not too low. In preschool programs, I found that people tried to teach little kids about the importance of their bodies and how to protect themselves. People would not take immediate action if sexual abuse happened in their lives. They were very conscious about others’ opinions of them, and so they hardly ever tried to make private issues public.

I studied and worked in the U.S. between 2005 and 2013. CSA cases were as high as in any other corner of the world. But, public awareness was advanced, and people were open to discussing the topic. Even though I thought they did not want to make their CSA public as in South Korea, I felt they wouldn’t mind unfolding their abuses in a relevant context.

Now, I am living and working in Vietnam. I haven’t done any research about what’s going on over here when it comes to CSA. Based on my understanding, however, I am assuming that public awareness of CSA is low. People hardly think of CSA as a critical social issue even though they are now gradually educated about CSA through diverse channels. Especially in educational institutions, awareness and prevention of CSA are crucial when they get national/international accreditation. I have frequently heard my students say that they never speak to their families about CSA in their home contexts.

In conclusion, communication patterns between high-context and low-context cultures can affect how people respond to CSA. However, when it comes to a personal level, it seemed that people did not want to share their sexual abuse experiences with others.

The following is a further blog from Michelle, detailing her organisation OLOH and its work

One Life One Heart, Expanding Access to Services

Apr. 25, 2023

Michelle M. Kang

One Life One Heart (OLOH), a non-profit based in Ames, Iowa, offers programs and resources designed to assist those who have suffered from sexual abuse.

Drawing on Michelle Kang’s own personal experiences with sexual abuse and the problems she faced in her journey to healing, the OLOH program was created to assist and advocate for sexual abuse survivors. The program can address the needs of survivors from diverse backgrounds and from the age of 5 and older.

Building on the foundation of Michelle’s educational background, professional experience and career, accomplishments and achievements, and her personal experience with sexual abuse the program is focused on helping participants find healing and empowerment through a variety of program elements.

Through her own experiences involving the struggles she faced in finding her own healing and empowerment as a victim of sexual abuse, including language and communication, and cultural norms, Michelle created the program and volunteer training guide to help program providers and their volunteers interact with sexual abuse survivors when they work through their past for their healing and empowerment. Key resources of the OLOH program are a comprehensive program guide and a volunteer training guide and materials that were developed from the perspective of an educator and a survivor who sought to create a program that addresses gaps in the system.

OLOH attempts to contribute to the vital field of mental health care and support for sexual abuse survivors and is geared toward expanding access to services. The program and volunteer training materials are intended to serve sexual abuse survivors as each proceeds on their journey to healing and empowerment. The cost-free program is community-based. It facilitates participation in a familiar environment, is intended to create safe spaces within the local community to make victims feel safe and comfortable, and allows for the integration of norms and expectations to create a positive environment. The program is also victim-centered, which means the survivors are in control of the entire process, from which sessions they wish to participate in to how long they wish to participate in the program. The victim-centered approach is used to give participants the courage to speak and to feel heard. The program ensures that participants’ voices are always heard first following Moreno (1932)’s argument that every patient in a group has the therapeutic power, therapeutic agency. The training guide is intended to help the program providers and their volunteers understand their roles and responsibilities and how volunteers should interact with participants of the program. The training guide emphasizes the importance of language and communication in interactions between volunteers and survivors.

The OLOH program addresses the disparity in mental health care services particularly to underserved and under-represented communities based on language and cultural barriers and lack of access for uninsured or underinsured people. Volunteers (both professionals and non-professionals of mental health) are trained and empowered to interact with sexual abuse survivors from various backgrounds and assist survivors who would otherwise not have access to care.

Through this innovative model of care, OLOH expands access to services that are very much needed in communities. Its programs are geared toward improving the provision of critical mental health care services for communities and helping to fill gaps in coverage for mental health care services by providing essential services outside of the realm of traditional methods.

For those who are interested in providing the OLOH program or serving as volunteers, we offer free program guide and volunteer training guide in PDF versions upon request by contacting us using info@onelifeoneheartinternational.org or admin@onelifeoneheartinternational.org on the Contact Us page on our website. Those who are interested can download a free Michelle’s Story on the main page of our site. Those with questions are encouraged to contact us through the Contact Us page.