This page is for guest blogs written by other survivors of sexual abuse, their supporters and therapists. If you would like yours included, please let me know by using the form on the “Contact us” page.
Guest blog by Stella Rain, a visitor to my website:
“Hello, I’m Stella Rain.
I was abused from early childhood to adulthood, this is an excerpt from my forthcoming book “Heart 2 Heart”
Do you ever forget where you are? I looked up, my eyes were puffy and circles darkened from crying.
Left alone with my father filled him with rage. He would clench his fist and jaw if he decided that something was insignificant “nobody wants an embarrassment, that style doesn’t suit or hair colour.” He would remind me that I wasn’t to question him “haven’t you killed yourself yet?” not wanting me to go on living, I was to live up to his demands and do as I was told hastening his threat.
Like a grenade he burst with a hammer forced me into a dark closet afraid “was my existence to much?” I sat listening for his footsteps, if they were loud and banging they weren’t for me, it’s the soft quiet ones I fear. Then I know that he’s coming.. Childhood should be a time of innocence and when that’s stripped away forcedly the blame lays with the abuser, not the abused.
Trapped, I kept the past to myself and the abuse hidden, never voicing any concerns. I didn’t know what was happening to me and it’s difficult to stop someone bigger than yourself with hands round your throat “had I cried my last tears?”
He was strong and built like a transformer, a term few would understand what horrors I suffered was out of my control “I’m not the first to suffer abuse from a family member and I won’t be the last.”
Over an extended period of years he struck me even when I toed the line other events happened forcing me to face the peril of reality.
Behind every type of abuse is a misuse of power and imbalance.
Abuse happens in many different ways.”